You are not lacking motivation
Your Brain Is Stopping You – Here Is the Way Forward
By Elin Debora
Do You Remember That Time You Were Going to Start Exercising?
You had decided to go to the gym three days a week to get in shape for summer days at the beach.
The first week went well and your motivation was high. You had finally begun and you felt proud of yourself. The second week felt heavier. You were sore everywhere and had several other things scheduled in your free time, and going to the gym felt stressful. You only made it once. The third week it was impossible to go at all. The desire to exercise was gone, but you thought you would go again soon, just not today.
Your explanations to yourself, and perhaps to others, were detailed and sounded logical, yet inside a feeling grew that you were both lazy and completely without motivation.
For those of you who have experienced something similar, I wrote this article.
The Brain Keeps You Where You Are
The brain’s reaction to what is new and unknown is often the main reason we feel stuck in our current situation. It prefers the familiar, and the thoughts you think today largely resemble those you thought yesterday and the day before. That is why it becomes difficult to begin something new, because the brain wants to keep you in what feels known, even if you do not actually feel good there.
We work against ourselves without noticing it. When you try to change something, thoughts appear such as “I am not good enough” or “I cannot do it”. This is the brain’s way of protecting you from the unknown, and you begin to create your own truths about why what you dream of is not possible.
So you continue living as before, and many dreams remain only dreams.
When we start something new but do not continue, even though we truly want to, it rarely has to do with laziness or lack of motivation but with how our brain works.
Dreams That Never Get a Chance
An example I often meet in my work is people who dream of changing direction later in life. One woman expressed it like this:
“I dream of working with bookkeeping, I love numbers and actually know quite a lot, but I am already 52 so it is too late. There are no jobs like that for me.”
She had not done any research at all. Her brain was simply trying to keep her where she was by presenting thoughts of impossibility as truth. I could hear the resignation in her sighs and I asked:
– How would it look if you made a plan for your dream?
That question became the beginning of a new direction, which did not turn out to be impossible at all.
After she made her first plan the change was quickly noticeable. Not because the road suddenly became straight and obvious, but because something within her shifted. She went from thinking “it is too late” to becoming curious about what was actually possible. Each step gave more energy than it took and it was the first time in a long time she felt she influenced the direction of her own life.
What she experienced is not unique.
Many people long for something else in life, something new, but do not know how to get there. That is why it hurts when the brain keeps steering us back into the same tracks, even though deep down we long for change.
A Plan Changes Everything
Feeling motivation is wonderful but writing down your dreams and turning them into measurable goals is a safer way.
Let Us Take the Gym Example Again
Use a notebook, it has the best effect when done by hand, and do the following:
Write Down Why You Want to Exercise
Often we have goals such as wanting to look good on the beach. But goals where we need to be a certain way to be enough create resistance from the start. You are enough as you are!
Instead try asking questions like these:
How will you feel if you exercise? For example more energy, better stamina, becoming stronger.
What advantages would more energy bring? For example easier mornings, better mood, more joy.
What would happen if you had better stamina? For example playing more with grandchildren, hiking with friends, starting to dance.
Are there benefits to becoming stronger? For example gardening, working on the summer house, less back pain.
Rewards that feel good inside the body, in the soul, rewards that give you quality of life will give you stronger drive than superficial rewards.
Set Long-Term and Short-Term Goals
Write down long term goals with your training but also short term ones, for example that you will train three days a week. In your plan you need to think about what your week looks like and what is needed to create space for your training. Is there something you need to change? Do you need help? How can your new routine be easier?
Write a shorter version of your goals and place them where you can see them often or make them the background on your phone. What we give our attention to and are reminded of becomes easier reality.
Start with small regular steps toward your goals and you will have achieved much more in a year than you imagined.
If the thought appears that “this is impossible” ask yourself whether someone else has done what you wish and actually succeeded? The answer is probably yes.
Plan and Encourage Yourself
This is how I plan my weeks:
Sunday: I write down what I need to do the coming week, big and small things.
Each evening I plan my goals for the next day, work related and personal and each evening I also write on another page everything I did well during the day and the goals I reached. I call it “My wins”.
I do this every day, weekday and weekend. It may seem boring at first but it is a powerful way to train the brain to think in new ways, feel appreciation and motivate yourself.
It also gives more control over time which otherwise easily disappears before we notice.
Motivation Is Not What Changes Your Life
Motivation is not what changes your life, the decision to act does.
Every time you act you build something new and along the way you become open to opportunities you would otherwise not have seen.
You train your brain to dare, to be curious and to trust yourself.
About the Author
Elin is an ICF certified coach and founder of Naranja Coaching where she works with change processes, self leadership and goal strategy. She supports people who want to move out of stagnation and turn insight into action.
If you’d like to explore this further, or if anything resonated with you, feel free to get in touch.
You can find me and Naranja Coaching at www.naranjacoaching.com and daily tips on Instagram Coach Elin Debora https://www.instagram.com/coachelindebora/